so, a question- if you were to die in a week, what would your legacy be and is that a satisfactory legacy?
I guess that is a question people ask themselves when they are wondering what they should do with their lives. For the last year or so my life has been filled with a lot of change and personal drama and it makes me wonder if I should be doing something more with the time I have. Obviously life is a complicated ordeal that all of us must navigate through on our own terms. But I’m now 26 years old and don’t have the things I want. However, it’s definitely not for lack of trying.
I think I would rather be remembered as a loving father and amazing husband than as an amazing photographer or film director. Not that I am any of those things yet. I’d rather be incredibly special to a few people than admired by thousands. This blog isn’t really a place that I can describe the things I’ve been through lately, but there are a few people reading this that know. These recent events have changed my whole view on the world and the reason people do the things they do. I definitely feel that I’ve reached a new level of maturity and personal responsibility and when I compare myself now to the guy I was just one year ago, there’s a pretty big difference, not in personality, but in idealism and world views.
I’m in the middle of another cross country road trip and I’ve already lost three friendships along the way. Each one a very unique situation. I don’t think any of these friendships were going to make it long term anyway. I don’t want to be remembered by them as somebody who was crazy, but I think each of them has that exact thought when they think of me. Which makes me wonder if I really am. When I use the word crazy, I don’t really mean like, lock me up in a hospital and never let me out type of crazy, I mean crazy like the guy in “Into the Wild”, who goes on a giant road trip around the US and eventually dies of starvation in bush country Alaska. His dying wasn’t the intention, just a result of following his dream, a notable endeavor indeed.
I have a dream that I think I’m going to have to give up on. I’m a strong guy and am rarely defeated. However, as much as I would love to keep fighting, I’m just not going to win because of things that are out of my control. It’s incredibly frustrating.
This is one of those posts that started out with a purpose and went downhill from there.
I also think it’s best if no one leaves comments about the stuff I just wrote, it’s much more of a rhetorical statement. If you feel like commenting, you can ask me a question, pretty much anything with one or two exceptions, and I will answer honestly.
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